


Not Yet

by kaichocosoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, side Kaisoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11496264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaichocosoo/pseuds/kaichocosoo
Summary: If only time has been on their side...





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

> To the readers, I hope that you will enjoy reading this and give it a chance since this is angst. LOL. Please don't ask me why it came out this way. It just did. I think it will be worth it if you read through it though. (I am so sorry for sounding like I'm self promoting) and please pardon the formatting. Huhuhu. Ao3 can only let me do so much. Sigh
> 
> To the prompter, thank you for this! I wouldn't have written this without you :) I hope you don't mind me adding some elements into this, hoping to make it a good read.
> 
> To the mods, thank you! This is my first time writing Xingbaek so thank you for giving me a chance to do it.

Sweat drenched Baekhyun’s shirt as the summer heat weighed down on him, even inside their air conditioned diner. He looks over the left side where Kyungsoo is busy waiting his tables, in a state not better than he is. He sighed. Requesting for an area exchange will not be helpful just to try and alleviate the heat that has him sweating buckets already..

Because of his acquired instinct, Baekhyun looked over his shoulder as new customers stepped inside the diner. One glimpse at the tanned male who led a couple more guys in made him roll his eyes and shrug.

Jongin will sit in one of Kyungsoo’s table anyways.

He finished wiping the last table that has been vacated in his area when he saw a movement in his peripheral. He straightened up, curious as to what he saw and he was greeted by a stranger with a gentle smile and a deep dimple on his right cheek. If he had just paid a little more attention, he would’ve noticed the stranger as one of Jongin’s companions. That, and he would’ve prepared himself a little instead of freezing on his spot like a deer trained with headlights.

“Uhm, may I know where the restrooms are?”

The question brought Baekhyun back to his senses. He cleared his throat and prayed that he doesn’t look as flustered as he feels. They guy is much too attractive for his own good.

“Just walk straight until you see a hallway to the left,” he gestured with his hands, a habit that he has whenever he is feeling nervous and hopefully, it makes his directions clearer.

The stranger followed his hands and nodded once in understanding. “Thank you!” and he gave Baekhyun another dimpled smile before turning on his heels on headed towards the restrooms.

Baekhyun didn’t realize that he was watching the stranger until he disappeared in the right direction so he went back to attend to the table behind him and wiped it clean, completely forgetting that he has just finished doing so.

* * *

The next time that Baekhyun has seen the stranger is right after his shift. Kyungsoo has pulled him into third wheeling again because he is still in denial with his feelings towards Jongin. Baekhyun has stopped convincing him to just accept the younger wholeheartedly as it has become pointless. Kyungsoo is a stubborn idiot and Baekhyun has no other choice but put up with him and perform bestfriend duties.

AKA joining Kyungsoo for whenever Jongin asks him out on a date.

Baekhyun knew that his presence has been testing Jongin’s patience and this time, he brought another friend so he can spend more time with Kyungsoo. There is a big chance that Kyungsoo will cling unnecessarily onto Baekhyun so Jongin brought a distra-- _friend_.

That friend, who was introduced as Yixing, has given Baekhyun another dimpled smile and it was enough to conjure a blush on his cheeks. Kyungsoo called it out slyly but was dismissed as _it is the summer heat, you ass_.

They started walking with Jongin pulling Kyungsoo by his sleeve with a pout and Yixing falling in step with Baekhyun’s pace. Baekhyun’s usually talkative self is silenced by the guy walking beside him. Something about Yixing feels calming and serene, dulling the extra energy that Baekhyun usually has. Sure, the new guy is cute but Baekhyun is used to fooling around, even with his crushes before. So what is it about Yi—?

“I’m sorry,” Yixing broke the silence with an embarrassed apology and a scratch on his nape. 

“I’m boring you, right?”

“N-no! You’re not!” Alarmed, Baekhyun shook his hands in time with his head to emphasize his answer. “I’m… You’re not boring me. I just… don’t know what to say?”

If Kyungsoo or Jongin has heard him, they will never let him live. Byun Baekhyun has never been lost for words, at least until then. He tried to rummage through his thoughts for something interesting to talk about but his brain shuts every topic down in fear that Yixing might find him too opinionated or simply too talkative. He didn’t want to drive him away just yet.

“Hmmm,” Yixing hummed thoughtfully as Baekhyun ducked his head in shame. He didn’t know how to handle his own situation because it was the first time that someone had that effect on him. After a few steps, Yixing halted and so did Baekhyun, letting the two people in front of them get farther by the second.

“Maybe we can start with something basic?” he suggested and Baekhyun is looking at him with curiosity and relief. Baekhyun tried to school his expression into one of anticipation and interest to get Yixing to continue.

And he did.

“How old are you?”

* * *

The following day, Jongin came into the diner with a dopey grin on his face and went straight to Kyungsoo to shamelessly cling onto him. Whatever has happened the night before had been a step forward to whatever relationship they have. Baekhyun watched from his area with a smirk that Kyungsoo caught. Even though he received a glare in return, he kept on a smile as he felt happy for his bestfriend.

At least before he leaves for university, someone will be looking after Kyungsoo in his behalf.

“Hi, Baekhyun.”

Startled, Baekhyun yelped and dropped the rag that he was using to clean one of his tables. Yixing tried but failed to hold his laughter but bent down to retrieve the fallen rag.

“So you think you’re funny?” Baekhyun challenged as his heart tries to calm down from the shock of seeing how Yixing laughs. It’s blinding but warm, like the sun. His dimple is even more evident.

“Sorry, Baekhyun. I didn’t mean to surprise you and for laughing. You looked cute, though. Don’t worry.”

“Just go bother Jongin. I’m at work,” Baekhyun huffed playfully. “And please hand over my rag.”

Yixing shook his head and dangled the rag in Baekhyun’s face before putting it behind him. “You gotta smile first. You look cuter when you smile,” he said and tacking another dimpled smile after.

Baekhyun is starting to think that he has found his new weakness. Dimples.

He rolled his eyes and tried not to let the subtle flirting (?) to affect him in any way. He tried his best to flash the fakest smile that he could only to get another round of cackling from the other male. Yixing’s laughter gave Baekhyun little fluttering butterflies in his belly and it is absurd. He has just known him for almost two days and his reactions to this stranger is worrying him.

“Okay, you win, Baekhyun. Here,” Yixing gave him the stupid rag after his chuckles have died down. “I’ve also come to tell you that Jongin and I will be practicing later. Kyungsoo is coming,” with a wink, he left Baekhyun in another flustered mess and as if that wasn’t enough, he looked back and dropped a ‘see you later, Baekhyun’ before going back to where Kyungsoo has forcefully sat Jongin in.

Danger signs flashed inside Baekhyun’s head.

* * *

Baekhyun laid on his bed with too many thoughts. It wasn’t new as his head always has something random that pops out whenever but this time, his thoughts revolve around a single person, Zhang Yixing. He did go to the practice the Yixing has told him about, partially because of his invitation and mostly because Kyungsoo has dragged him into coming. Or that is what he convinced himself to believe.

Practice is actually a performance practice. Baekhyun has known that Jongin has been dancing ever since he can walk and has also been to quite a number of his performances through his and Kyungsoo’s invitations. He knew that the younger is good at his craft so he enjoys every single show that he goes to so he obliges willingly. What he didn’t expect is for Yixing to be quite a performer as well, though he sat with his guitar.

Jongin was amazing, as usual, and Kyungsoo had a hard time keeping his reactions down to a minimum but then Yixing has a way with his fingers that with every strum and melody that he has created. It called out to Baekhyun. He felt the tug deep into his bones and heart, it is fascinating how someone can produce such music.

Baekhyun has seen a number of Yixing’s expressions and none of them is as captivating as his tranquil state. Shoulders relaxed, eyes closed and a soft smile (his dimple is still visible, what the hell), he has brought Baekhyun in a new world, where nothing else seems to exist but them and the sweet harmony drifting through the air. It was scary how easy Baekhyun has slipped into a trance and how deep he has gone in when the guitarist looked up and locked eyes with him.

Groaning, Baekhyun flipped to his stomach and reached for his phone, debating whether he should call Kyungsoo and talk to him about his crush that is getting out of hand. The more he thinks about it, the sillier it gets. Who, in their right mind, gets too infatuated with a person that they have just met? They are practically strangers and yet, Baekhyun is filled with thoughts about him.

* * *

The day when Yixing has finally asked Baekhyun out, the latter wanted to feel surprised but anyone could’ve already seen it coming. The staff at the diner was long done giving Baekhyun knowing looks after the fifth consecutive day of Yixing visiting. Even if he is with Jongin. Kyungsoo didn’t even bother to tease him about the long overdue date. Instead, he was the one who offered Baekhyun his ears to listen to Baekhyun’s woes that is apparently written all over his face.

“Soo, I’m leaving for college in two weeks!” Baekhyun finally voiced out. “And I don’t know what to do!”

“Do about what?”

Baekhyun took a deep breath as he mustered up a little more courage for his confession. “I like Yixing. I really do but I don’t know if that is enough.”

Kyungsoo’s brow raised in challenge. “Enough for what?”

 _He doesn’t get it,_ he thinks. “Enough for us to sustain a long distance relationship, Soo. Especially since we haven’t known each other that well.”

At this, his bestfriend’s face softened and his eyes showed sympathy for Baekhyun’s struggle. “Thank you for telling me, Baek. Now, don’t you feel better?”

Baekhyun did, so he nodded yet his lips jutted out into a pout. “But that doesn’t solve anything, Soo! I still have a date to go to yet no certainty as to where we’ll go from there,” he drags his hands over his face in exasperation. “I don’t want to be a douche on him so I didn’t outright refuse but how can I just say that there will be no more second date after the first, Soo? At least, not in two more years.”

Baekhyun knew that he has started to ramble but he couldn’t help it. His thoughts dam broke and there is no holding back.

“And the problem is that something tells me that he is a too good chance to pass up. He is a great guy, Soo. What are the odds that I get to meet someone like him in the future?” Baekhyun lowers his head sadly. “If I’m being selfish, I don’t want to let go of him but that will be unfair, right? We are young and there are so many good things that could happen to us both.”

“What if a few months into being together, one of us realizes that it was just a crush that was glamoured because it is summer and the novelty of meeting new people? Or one’s feelings simply root from finding the other attractive physically? Soo, what if he knows that I can’t cook to save my life? What if he hears my stupid sleep-yelping and dub me as a weirdo? He could easily grow tired of me talking because he is more of a quiet person.”

He then pulls on Kyungsoo’s arm, feeling desperate. “But he has been so kind and understanding and it will be such a waste to just let it all go without trying to further explore it? Yixing has so much potential because he is such a great person and I am basically nothing compared to him which brings me back to me being unworthy of him so I should’ve just turned him down.”

“But… but he flashed me a dimpled smile, Soo! His lovely dimple and I just couldn’t say no! What do I do?!”

Kyungsoo shrugged the hand that is gripping him too tight but then, he scooted closer to Baekhyun and gave him an extremely rare hug. He must’ve looked so distraught for Kyungsoo to take pity on him and offer him a nice and cuddly hug. Baekhyun made the most out of it and clung onto Kyungsoo to ground him, else, he will be floating around with his thoughts and conflicting feelings.

“You are thinking too much,” he chastised mildly. “I say talk to him, Baek. I may not know Yixing well but I know that he is a good person, you said so yourself. Let him know your concerns and feelings. Let him know the truth. You two can both be adults and tackle this maturely, if you choose to.”

Nuzzling deeper onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder, Baekhyun whined in defeat. “What if he will hate me?”

His head bobbed a little with Kyungsoo’s shrug. “Then maybe it’s just not meant to be, Baek.”

* * *

The sun has been shining brightly the whole morning and Baekhyun blames the heat for his sweaty palms and not his nerves acting up as the clock ticks down towards his date with Yixing. He smiles at the thought of Yixing’s cute message, apologizing that he wasn’t able to make restaurant reservations and so they will be going to a café.

It was followed by another round of apology then reassurances that he will surely like the place because Yixing was reminded of him when he first saw it. Baekhyun blushes, despite himself. What could that café be that it somehow represents him to that cute stranger who has swooped in and stirred his thoughts into a mess? 

“Oh hello, handsome.”

Baekhyun squeaked as his body jolted in shock, also hitting his thigh on the table to his right. That will definitely bruise. A familiar chiming laugh came from behind him and his thoughts have shut up for once. Maybe, this is all he will ever need.

He propelled himself towards the owner of the voice who raised their arms in welcome and their balance staggering at the impact of Baekhyun landing in their embrace. 

“Baekhee, you’re back!”

* * *

Byun Baekhee, Baekhyun’s older sister, has been the first one to leave their hometown in favor of pursuing her studies somewhere that could get her a jumpstart for her career. She has already shown her interest into taking over their family business and with unparalleled passion, she weaved through her education like a breeze. 

One reason why she has already gotten back, diploma already in hand as a surprise.

Upon knowing that their daughter is back with a great gift, the Byuns have called for a celebration, inviting their family and friends to join them. On that note, Baekhyun had to cancel his date with Yixing. Still, he extended the invitation to his supposed date and Yixing gladly accepted, joking about meeting Baekhyun’s family earlier makes everything easier.

A lump has lodged itself in Baekhyun’s throat.

That was just the start.

Living in a small town means that you get to know almost everybody that lives within a ten kilometer radius and if you also happen to own a local business, you are bound to be known by everyone. The Byun’s Diner weren’t only filled with family and close friends but some people who have heard of Baekhee’s return has come to stop by to see the Byun’s daughter.

Unexpectedly, Yixing came with both of his parents who claimed to be trying to familiarize themselves into their new neighborhood.

“Hi Baek!” Yixing called as soon as he has spotted him. Baekhyun smiled in greeting on impulse. The former immediately rushed over and enveloped Baekhyun in a hug. The latter sputtered incoherent words and Yixing is stepping back with a playful grin on his face, not to mention that his dimple is definitely there.

An elderly couple appeared beside them and it wasn’t rocket science to know that they are the Zhangs.

“Mom, Dad, this is Baekhyun. Baek, my mom and my dad,” Yixing introduced them happily. Mrs. Zhang is from whom her son has gotten his smile. Baekhyun bowed in greeting, feeling tense all of a sudden from the situation he has been put through. But she is a sweet tiny lady who pulled Baekhyun in a warm hug. With a shaky breath and a wobbly smile, he turned to Mr. Zhang where his smile stayed awkwardly frozen.

Mr. Zhang’s raised brow and the stern look he directed to his son were enough clues for Baekhyun to know what the old man is thinking. The atmosphere turned gloomy in a blink with Yixing also trying to keep a scowl off his face. Baekhyun wanted to sprint away from the scene, dash to somewhere else he won’t be able to feel judging eyes on him.

This is the hardest part, the judgment. He thought that he was well over this phase of accepting his sexuality. But he had forgotten that there are a lot more people in the world who would most definitely not see things the way he does.

“My husband is quite tired, Baekhyun. I’m sorry,” Mrs. Zhang spoke after some seconds that felt like a lifetime. “I dragged him here to be able to socialize but I think it was a bad decision.”

A tug on Baekhyun’s sleeve had him looking towards the direction in came from and was greeted by Baekhee’s worried look. “Is everything okay, baby bro?” Then she realizes that her brother has been talking to some people that she hasn’t seen before. “Are they your friends?” she whispered before greeting the Zhangs.

“Oh,” Baekhyun breathed. He tried his best not to look towards Yixing’s direction and remembered his manners. “This is the Zhang family. They just moved here around two weeks ago. She’s my sister Baekhee, the reason that our parents are throwing this party.”

It was Mr. Zhang who greeted her first, a 180 degree turn from how he was moments ago and Baekhyun had to excuse himself, in great need of air.

* * *

Kyungsoo came over with Jongin when Baekhyun called him over for help. It has been three days since Baekhee’s party and it is the day he agreed to go out with Yixing. He had laid several tops and pants on his bed in the pretense of trying to figure out what to wear. He had all that figured out a few days ago though but after the party, Baekhyun feels like he doesn’t know anything anymore.

For some reason, Jongin was behaving himself on Baekhyun’s study chair while Kyungsoo sat on Baekhyun’s bed, brows furrowed in concentration. He would’ve already been all over his boyfriend on normal days but it seems like he is being considerate. How lucky Kyungsoo is to have someone like him.

It has been three days that Baekhyun has been bottling his thoughts and he will explode if he goes another hour keeping it all to himself. So he let go.

“This will be the first and last,” he murmured under his breath. “I think… I think it has never been the right time.”

“But Baek…”

Baekhyun has decided. The three days that he had to himself has given him plenty of time to think things through. He is actually glad that the party has happened. It still wasn’t too late to hold back.

“Don’t worry. I’ll come clean to Xing. It is the least thing that I could do for him,” Baekhyun’s lips quirked a bit. “And I will make the most out of this first and last chance so that I will regret nothing.”

The two stayed quiet, knowing that there is nothing that they could say to change his mind. Once Baekhyun says that he will do something, he will. He is a man of his words.

* * *

Baekhyun balked as he caught sight of the deep-dimpled dancer. Yixing wore a pair of classic ripped jeans, a loose white tank top and a bomber jacket on top of that. The perfect boyfriend look, Baekhyun thought. He smiled, despite the raging emotions inside him. Yixing put effort into looking good for him. His smile then cracked as regret overwhelmed him.

Zhang Yixing is looking great yet, by the end of the day, he will be disappointed. Maybe he will even wish he hadn’t put too much thought on this, on asking out Baekhyun.

And this will all be because of Baekhyun himself.

“Baek!” Yixing greeted with a wide grin. He closed the remaining distance between him and his date in a jog. “Are you ready?”

Yixing is infectious, especially his radiance. Baekhyun let himself bask in the warmth that comes with the other and let his lips lift in an involuntary yet sincere smile.

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Come on! I’ll make sure you have loads of fun, you’ll think of nothing else but me!”

A warm hand took the dainty and sweaty one, pulled them towards the start line of what could be Baekhyun’s best day ever or the opposite.

* * *

A stuffed unicorn in one arm and his free hand clasped tight in one of Yixing’s, Baekhyun deemed it was time.

He had a great day. The café is cute, what with the tons of unicorns wherever you look at. A unicorn themed café-slash-restaurant reminded Yixing of Baekhyun, apparently. They were given their horn to wear as they waited for their table to be ready. The menu was also handed to them but before Baekhyun could run through everything, they were ushered towards their seat.

In the end, he relinquished the ordering to his date who got him the Roll of Happiness, cordon bleu drizzled with pinkish cream sauce. Baekhyun also got to taste Yixing’s Fire of Desire, a fancy name to match the spicy seasoned steak served in a red plate.

He indeed have forgotten everything else because the food is fantastic, even making a mental note to suggest such creativity with their own diner. Yixing became talkative, sharing his childhood stories with Baekhyun. All the while, his eyes are sparkling with enthusiasm, one can only watch him laugh at himself for dreaming to become a dinosaur when he grows up.

They ended their meal with Cloud 9, nine flavors of ice cream, one on top of another.

With linked hands, they soon found themselves in an arcade where Baekhyun has been given his unicorn plush. Yixing killed the Dance Revo machine.

“Are you tired?” The dancer tugged on their joined hands. “Did you have fun, though? Coz I did. I had so much fun, Baek. Thank you.”

Earnest eyes are what Baekhyun saw when he looked up to face Yixing. Even as the sun has already said its goodbye, Yixing’s glow remains. Mesmerizing and stunning are two words that Baekhyun could describe him as since the day that they have met until then that he has had a glimpse of what could days with him be like.

Baekhyun shook his head to dispel unnecessary thoughts. It wouldn’t be fair to Yixing if he drags it further.

“ _I_ should be the one thanking you, Xing,” he starts. “I had a great time because of the good food, the fun games, this cute unicorn…” he tightened his hold on the toy to get a grip as his emotions are starting to take over. “...and of course because of you.”

He had to pause as a breathtaking smile broke into his date’s face. _No, no, no. It is too early. Please don’t smile yet._

“You know Baek, I heard of another good place to eat…”

“I will be going to college next week, Xing,” Baekhyun braced himself after a deep breath. “I will be staying in the university residences as I got a full scholarship but that also means that I will not be able to go home in two years. My program requires me to cram four years worth of knowledge into two and then I will be taken into the academe to start teaching after a couple of months of break.”

“I… I don’t think there is a chance for your invitation to happen, Xing. I’m sorry. I wish it could happen though, but I don’t want you to hold you down.”

“I’m… sorry.”

There was only silence but Baekhyun is defeaned by how hard his heart is thundering inside his chest. He’s facing Yixing whose face was frozen into a stoic façade, even as his hold on Baekhyun slowly loosened.

It was expected. That reaction has been listed down as a possibility in the three days of contemplation but it didn’t hurt less. Officially then, Zhang Yixing is Byun Baekhyun’s ‘one that got away’.

* * *

Days passed and no Zhang Yixing was felt in Byun Baekhyun’s life. At times, Baekhyun has thought of what ifs, what if he has let Yixing speak? What if he told him that he likes him so much? What if he just waited for that farewell kiss he could have had if he had just waited a bit longer? What if he asked Yixing to wait for him?

He overheard from Jongin (who wouldn’t when Kyungsoo’s boyfriend practically shouted) that the elder has excused himself from practices, even though the audition that they have been preparing for is not getting any later.

His bags were packed and papers arranged. All that’s left to happen is for the day of Baekhyun’s departure.

The D-day came without a single message from Yixing still. He hadn’t had the courage to contact him first when he knew that their fall out was due to him. His family brought him to the airport along with Kyungsoo and Jongin.

“You take care of yourself there. Don’t you ever skip the meal schedule because you will starve. You know better than to eat any food you’ve prepared.”

Baekhyun can only pout with Kyungsoo’s words. They aren’t wrong and it made him feel like a helpless kid in the middle of the jungle. He went in for a hug because he will definitely miss his bestfriend and all his nagging.

“It hasn’t been so long and yet one of us is leaving again,” Baekhee pulled her brother into a tight hug. “You didn’t even let me in on your love life yet but now you’re going away.”

It was unintentional but the reminder of Yixing has Baekhyun pulling his sister closer as he wills away the tears that threatened to spill.

“Because you took too long to come back. Don’t blame me for this.”

“Two years is nothing in uni, Baekhyun-ah. Trust me,” Baekhee stepped back, then swept away his hair from his forehead. “Before you know it, you’re back.”

“But a lot could happen in two years and I’m gonna miss it!”

_I’m gonna miss him._

The elder took his face and squished his cheeks, ignoring his protests of being treated like a kid. “I left too, Baekhyun-ah. I left you and mom and dad and Kyungsoo. But when I came back, you are all still here. You love me so you stayed and waited for me. And don’t doubt that we love you so we’ll be here to stay and wait, no matter how long it takes for you to come back.”

* * *

**ZYX**

Baek sorry i missed ur flight

I had a lot of things that i needed to sort out

I guess i went ahead of myself too much

Did i put pressure on u?

Im sorry

I guess i came on too strong

Will u still be friends w me tho?

U still want to be friends right?

_Of course xing! Dont worry abt it_

_And im sorry too_

_Pls dont feel bad_

_I really enjoyed our date_

_Wish u luck on the audition!_

Thanks baek :)

I wish ull be there to watch…

* * *

“Noona?”

_“Baekhyun-ah! Is something wrong? Are you not happy with your roommate? Is he bullying you?”_

“No! There’s no problem. Chanyeol’s cool.”

_“Oh, okay. So why are you calling for the second time today?”_

“I have a favor to ask.”

_“Hmm?”_

“Will… uhm, will you go to the audition in my place?”

_“...”_

“Noona? Are you busy..?”

_“...I’ll go. Kyungsoo has actually invited me already so I’ll be there to cheer for Jongin.”_

“Uhm…”

_“Don’t worry. I will personally wish your boyfriend luck too.”_

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

_“He’s not your ‘boy’ friend? As in a guy friend?”_

“Aish. Whatever, Baekhee. I gotta go.”

_“I love you ‘lil bro.”_

“Me too. Though you are annoying.”

* * *

**ZYX**

Baek! We got in!!! :))))))))

_Thats great!_

_I told ya ull get in!_

And

Thanks

U even asked baekhee to say good luck

U didnt need to baek

_Thats all i cud do so suck it up_

_Ure welcome btw_

* * *

**ZYX**

sorry it was jongin’s idea

did we disturb ur class?

_It’s ok just my prof glaring at me the whole period_

_No big deal_

omg really?

SORRY BAEK

IM SO SORRY

_Jk im not mad xing_

_Calm down_

* * *

_“Hey Baek.”_

“Oh, hi. Why… why is it noisy?”

_“Sorry, I’m in the diner right now.”_

“This late already? Aren’t you tired from practice?”

_“I’m good. I just wanted to eat first and hear your voice before I go home. I’ll fall and sleep like a log once i hit my bed.”_

“Wh-what? Hahaha! You really are hungry so I’ll leave you alone to eat in peace.”

_“Wait! Don’t hang up yet! We barely talked.”_

“But you are eating…”

_“So how was your day, Baek?”_

* * *

**ZYX**

baek

baek

baekkie

byun baekkie

baekhyun

baekhyunnie

byun baekhyunnie

_What? Why?_

_???_

nothing ;)

how r u?

* * *

**ZYX**

hey i heard the news

r u ok?

was the flooding that bad?

were u able to eat properly?

_Im good. Really._

_The flood didnt affect the uni much_

_Tho we had power outage_

_Dont worry chan fed me well_

good then

just…

take care ok?

_Yes, mom._

* * *

“Xing, I’m sorry! I forgot to charge my phone and I was loaded with homework.”

_“...”_

“Please don’t sulk anymore. Soo told me you were upset. I’m not mad at you, okay? It was my phone’s fault.”

_“...”_

“Xing? Are you still there?”

_“Yeah. I thought I did something bad, Byun Baekhyun. I thought you were mad at me.”_

“We’re both stupid. No one is mad at anyone so we’re cool?”

_“Yeah, we’re…”_

“Xing? Hello? Yixing? Hmmm, maybe the signal is bad.”

* * *

**ZYX**

_Can u believe that? I aced our test!_

_Chanyeol’s crying his ass out lol_

_Just a few more months before my final finals_

_Gosh_

_I miss u all_

_I can’t wait to see u_

Baek

My father has cancer

Baek

What shud i do

Baek

_What? Ohh_

_Im so sorry to hear that xing_

_I wish i was there_

_Lemme hug u?_

just a few more months right?

I cant wait to see u

I wanna hug u too

Baek

* * *

“Soo, is Yixing okay?”

_“Define okay.”_

“Oh my god. You’re scaring me. What do you mean by that?!”

_“Okay, okay. Calm down. He is okay. He looks physically drained but he still goes to practice. He is okay ‘coz he could still come to the diner. Don’t you know more than me? I know you two always talk.”_

“N-no. Lately I haven’t heard from him. I didn’t try to call him first because I thought he needed space but I still can’t help but worry.”

_“So I will be your eye on him?”_

“Yes, please. I…”

_“Baek, don’t you have finals to prepare for? You shouldn’t stress yourself out. Don’t worry about Yixing. I’ll keep you posted but I will stop if I feel that you are getting too distracted. You wanted this for so long, Baek. Don’t let your hardwork go to waste. I’m sure Yixing wouldn’t like that.”_

* * *

**ZYX**

_Xing i tried calling u but u r rejecting my call_

_Soo said u were at the diner_

_I thought we could talk for a bit_

_I miss u cant wait to see u_

_Just a few more weeks_

_Call me when u can_

* * *

“Byun Baekhyun! Byun Baekhyun!”

“What?! It’s too early for this, Park! Let me sleep in.”

“We should be celebrating! We’ve finished finals! We are graduating! But! You have a mail!”

“So? Fuck. You woke me up for a mail? Seriously?”

“It doesn’t look just like a mail to me.”

“What does it look like?”

“Why don’t you get it yourself, you lazy ass.”

“See? Lazy. So please just answer me. What does it look like?”

“It looks like a wedding invitation. White, thick and fancy. Hmmm, it smells like flowers too.”

“Are you sure it’s for me? I don’t know anyone getting married.”

“Really? The sender address came from your house and oh! It is your sister, dumbass! How can you not know your sister is getting married! To a Zhang Yixing even! Oh, uh. This name sounds… _oh_.”

* * *

No one from back home knew of Baekhyun’s graduation. He only barely made to march because of Chanyeol’s persistence to get him into his toga and have him get his hard-earned diploma. Besides, having a guest means picture taking and Baekhyun wouldn’t want to be photographed in his state.

He has turned off his phone after two days of receiving constant calls from Kyungsoo and from his parents. He felt utterly betrayed.

How could this have happened?

It was two days after the ceremony that Baekhyun was finished packing his things. He and Chanyeol had gotten a moving service. Soon, their dorm room is left bare, empty. Just like the hollow hole that has been punched through his chest.

“You are in no condition to go home alone. I’m coming with you.”

Baekhyun agreed. He isn’t sure if he could trust himself with travelling alone.

Exhausted through and through, Baekhyun asked Chanyeol to bring him to his house first. It is the middle of the day, the diner’s one of the busiest times. No one should be at home.

But he was dead wrong when he saw three people sat by their dining table and an array of cakes on it. The person facing him was startled upon his entrance, alerting the two figures with their backs on him.

It was like the movies, where everything felt like going in slow motion. Baekhyun hated it, hated every second that seems to drag as he saw two very familiar faces looking back onto him with a mix of surprise and apprehension.

His inner defenses have kicked in, straightening his back and his expression turning into one of nonchalance. He shouldn’t care anymore. Why would he? He wasn’t the first one to do it. Why not get even?

“Awww. Let’s go, Chan. This won’t do. I thought we could have the house to ourselves,” Baekhyun sighed heavily. “Sorry for the interruption. We’ll be going now.”

He grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and headed towards the front door, seemingly ignoring every call of his name, brushing it off as mere whispers of the wind. Yet, it was his hands that squeezed Chanyeol’s harder everytime he heard his name that told the world of the truth.

* * *

“Baek, I’m not sure if this is a great idea,” Chanyeol protested. Baekhyun is the one driving his car and he is heading towards out of his hometown. The driver remained silent with his obvious brooding and heartache painted all over his face.

He tried again. “Maybe if we stop…”

The car screeched to an abrupt halt, the passengers almost slamming on the dashboard and backs hitting the seat from the whiplash.

“Now, what?” Baekhyun lashed angrily. “What now, Chanyeol?! I’ve stopped! What am I supposed to do now, huh? You told me to stop! Answer me!”

Chanyeol winced as his car’s horn was honked with every exclamation. “Why go all quiet on me now? Talk! I’m listening! At least give me answers, Park! Answers! Are they too much to ask?”

Tense silence clouded the car. Baekhyun could see how Chanyeol fidgeted with his seatbelt and seen from peripheral how his roommate kept on opening and closing his mouth, still unsure on what to say.

Until his phone alert tone sliced through the quiet.

“It’s Kyungsoo. He says he wants to meet by the studio.”

Baekhyun could’ve asked how the hell Chanyeol had Kyungsoo’s number but he is already setting the car on drive and making a huge U-turn to drive back.

* * *

Yixing’s father is a traditionalist and outspoken homophobic. He knew of the continuous contact between his son and Baekhyun and has warned Yixing to stop his _foolishness_ and pay attention to the beautiful daughter of the Byuns instead, saying that they look alike anyways. So Yixing always went back to the diner in guise of humoring his father just to talk freely with Baekhyun.

Mr. Zhang has repeated time and time again about his dream of seeing his son build a family of his own before he dies. So when he was diagnosed with cancer, Yixing had his hands tied. He had to stop going to practices as he helped his mother in taking care of his father, ultimately put distance between him and his friends.

One day, Mr. Zhang has even approached the Byuns about the matter of his son and their daughter but they held back, knowing of the special relationship of Yixing with their son.

Mr. Zhang’s condition is drastically falling and the stress from that as well as the emotional strain that is put on his son has Yixing drinking his problems away. Coincidentally, Baekhee was in the same place drinking with her friends.

Nothing much is clear after that but the following morning, Yixing and Baekhee woke up with each other in a nearby hotel with clear evidences of what has happened the previous night. Nobody brought it up until Baekhee has started to notice the _signs_.

Hence, the wedding was inevitable, especially since it grants Mr. Zhang’s wish. So they might as well.

The invitation was sent by mistake. It was supposed to be separated from the pile to be sent out but it has been sent to Baekhyun still.

Baekhyun absorbed every information from Kyungsoo, with some bits shared by a distraught Jongin, like a sponge but he can only hold in so much that everything in excess, flowed out from him in a river of tears.

* * *

It has been two weeks since he knew of the truth and it has been as long as Baekhyun opted to stay with his roommate’s flat, two hours away from his own house. Chanyeol was more than happy to take him in but he never failed to remind Baekhyun that he needs to eventually man up and go back home. Even Kyungsoo checks on him at least once a day, telling him that one way or another, he has to face _things_.

But they weren’t the only ones that causes Baekhyun’s phone to ping every now and then. Jongin also texts him, asking how he is and apologizing. He has been partly blaming himself for what has happened with Baekhyun and beating himself up for it.

Baekhyun had to rope in Kyungsoo to calm his boyfriend down and assure him that he doesn’t need to worry.

And then his parents, mostly his mother. She has tried to get him to talk through calls but when she realized that it will not be that easy, she resorted to lengthy text messages. All of them are sitting unread in his inbox.

His father was more smart about it though. His messages were kept simple and short, making sure that Baekhyun will be able to read it fully once the notification lights up his screen. He knew his son has this reflex action of always honing on his phone whenever it rings, vibrates or lights up.

Messages like ‘Baekhyun, come home.’, ‘Baekhyun, let’s talk.’, ‘I’m sorry, Baekhyun.’ and ‘I hope you understand, son.’ was passed to the supposed recipient, albeit reluctantly.

Of course, his sister is also one of them. But when he spies as much as the heart that he has placed before her name, he looks away.

Lastly, Yixing has also tried to keep in touch. And with every notification Baekhyun gets from him, a new batch of tears would start flowing down his cheeks.

He received another message and he succeeds on ignoring his phone, burrowing further into Chanyeol’s sofa. He has just made himself useful by helping clean but it was tiring. Chanyeol was out to buy them groceries and he remembers that he still has some dishes that he needs to put away.

Yet the sound of the door bell made him detour to the front door. His friend is quite forgetful and it is not the first time that Chanyeol has forgotten to take his keys with him.

“I should really glue your keys on you, Chan,” he jokes as he left the door open for Chanyeol. He could’ve offered to help bring in the groceries but the two of them knows that he is useless with carrying things.

“Baekhyun.”

It felt like he got doused with freezing water. Baekhyun was rooted on his spot when he heard the voice of the last person he wants to see in forever.

But Baekhyun was determined to not let Yixing see through him and put up a nonchalant front, back straight and face stoic. He just hopes that Yixing will have the shame and not look him in the eyes and see how hurt Baekhyun truly was. Is.

He spun and saw that the other hasn’t really crossed the threshold yet. Yixing us standing right by the open door with gaunt features and slouching pose. It is clear that he wasn’t doing any better with Baekhyun but how dare he? How dare he look like that when it was Baekhyun who was left all alone, mid-air, with no gear to save himself.

His eyes bore an expectant glint that made Baekhyun’s skin crawl. So that’s it? He barges unannounced in someone else’s home and he expects for Baekhyun to talk to him or do whatever he wants him to? _Such shameless assumptions_ , Baekhyun scoffed to himself.

“What brings you here?” Baekhyun asked through gritted teeth. He is mad, angry. He can feel as such. He is entitled to feel negatively with everything that has happened. His feelings were trampled on in the cruelest way possible. His sexuality wasn’t something he can control but he sure could have stopped his feelings to grow deeped for the dimpled man who has managed to make him feel wanted, only to make him feel abandoned in the end.

The hostility wasn’t lost on Yixing as his demeanor stiffened. A few more seconds of complete silence dawned upon them and it is unbearable. Baekhyun could feel rage boiling under his skin and his eyes are starting to get damp from the whirlwind of feelings that is wreaking havoc inside his chest. It was the first time that he will be seeing Yixing in person since their first date, not counting the video calls that they made throughout the time he was away.

This wasn’t how Baekhyun have imagined it.

“I…I wish we could talk,” Yixing answered with a defeated sigh. “You never answered our texts or calls,” he paused, his voice getting softer and softer with every word. “I wanted to… I want to explain. Please.”

Unfathomable irritation elicited a snort from Baekhyun. “Didn’t you realize that there is a reason why I am not picking up or replying? I’m not stupid. Of course you will do that. But I don’t want it so please leave,” he crossed his arms after a dismissing wave. He knew he was being petty, especially since Kyungsoo and Chanyeol has been telling him to go home and, inevitably, face Yixing.

But he can’t. Not when Baekhyun is sure to bawl his eyes out and his knees wobble from the intensity of his longing and melancholy. It is all too much, much too much for Baekhyun to deal with in just two weeks of preparation. It is not enough and he doesn’t know for sure how long he needs to be ready.

“But Baek…”

“I said leave, Yixing!” he exploded. Baekhyun forcing down the traitor tears threatening to spill. “I don’t want to see you or hear from you. I don’t need your explanation! No matter what you say, it will change nothing. Better go back,” he sneered bitterly. “You still have a wedding to plan. It’s in just a few days, no?”

“I will marry your sister because of my father and because of the baby, nothing else…”

In a burst of speed, Baekhyun dashed towards the front door with a raging fist connecting sloppily on Yixing’s not-so-flawless face. He just can’t say that. He just can’t say those kinds of things. It is irresponsible as it is hurtful.

“You asshole!” Baekhyun chanced in another punch that landed squarely on the other’s jaw, leading Yixing to stumble to the ground and land with a thud. “You should own up to your own actions! I don’t need to be hearing this. My sister doesn’t deserve this so go home and reflect on this more, Zhang Yixing.”

“But Baekhyun, you are the one I l--”

Baekhyun shook his head vehemently, not caring anymore that he is already crying. He knew it. This confrontation is just not for him to handle yet. “Stop. Don’t continue that thought.”

“It is the truth! Baekhyun believe me,” there was a tug on Baekhyun’s pants and it was Yixing, who crawled towards where he is standing and looking up at him with tears as well. “I never wanted any of this to happen…”

“But it did. Yixing it happened and we can’t turn back the time to erase that,” Baekhyun pulls his leg away, putting as much distance as he could between him and Yixing. “My sister…” he choked on his words, feeling his throat close up. “She will need you much more than I would. You will have a child, Yixing. Besides, your father would love to see his grandchild, won’t he?”

Maybe it was the tragic look he saw in Yixing’s eyes or maybe Baekhyun is just tired from running away and hiding from all these issues because he deflated, feeling all the animosity piling up in him vanish, leaving the emptiness that he has been harboring some days.

“You don’t need to do this for me, Xing,” the nickname slipped out but there is nothing else that Baekhyun could do. There is just no fight left in him anymore. “What we had… That is all there is to it,” he shrugs. “We never made anything official so you are off the hook. You don’t need to explain to me anymore. I know what happened and like I said, my sister will need you now more than ever.”

“Baekhyun, I’m sorry,” even in tears, Yixing’s dimple is still there, as if permanently etched on his skin. “This… us… this matters to me,” he muttered almost incoherently. “I had so many plans, Baek. I don’t even know where to start,” Yixing shook his head as he pulled himself up to kneel beside Baekhyun, clutching on his pants once more. “But then I hurt you and I hate myself for putting you through that.

“I’m sorry. I will grovel and beg for your forgiveness even though you can outright reject me. I can’t just brush you away like that, Baek. I know that I need to own up and be responsible for my actions but you always comes first to me. I don’t know if you knew that or if it doesn’t matter anymore. I just… I’m sorry if me loving you is causing you nothing but pain.

“I’m so sorry.”

“If you knew that much, what was the point of you coming here?” Baekhyun asked, tone icy cold. “I don’t know when I will come to terms with all that has happened but until then, please, give me space.”

Baekhyun wasn’t sure how long he stayed just right outside of Chanyeol’s door but he saw when Yixing got up and subtly felt his bruised jaw. He whispered another apology as he took the first step away from Baekhyun. But before he took the left that will lead him out of Baekhyun’s sight, he looked behind his shoulder bearing heartbrokenness in his eyes.

Chanyeol was the one who ushered him inside and not for long, he slid back down to the floor with his pain raining down from his eyes.

* * *

Baekhyun got a call two days after the uneventful confrontation and it was Kyungsoo yelling at him to get his ass back home. His sister has been in a constant state of anxiousness because of the guilt she feels and it has taken a toll on her body and on her baby.

So there he was, in the hospital and rushing to where the nurse at the reception has directed him to. Right outside her door are her parents, Mrs. Zhang and Yixing, huddled together in deep conversation. The urge to run away is so strong but Kyungsoo and Chanyeol held him down with a stern look. He can’t continue being pathetically evasive just as he was.

He was soon greeted with relieved hugs and his mother has showered him with kisses and a half-hearted scolding for being lost in touch. It was all for show for they all know the real reason behind his hiding.

“What happened to Baekhee?” he has finally asked after minutes of pretense. From his peripheral, he can see the Zhangs keeping to themselves. Sweet Mrs. Zhang has seen better days. Her hair is pulled in a loose ponytail and her eyes show fatigue. And Yixing… he looked better the last time Baekhyun has seen him. Everything has been complicated.

Mrs. Byun pulled her son by his waist. “It may be best if you talk,” she suggests.

Baekhyun was led inside Baekhee’s room but was left alone as soon as his mother has seen that his sister is awake. It seems that Baekhee has been anticipating him. Sad smiles were exchanged and soon, Baekhyun is seated at the plastic chair by her bed.

“Baekhyun.”

A call of his name is all it took for Baekhyun to cry once more.

* * *

The wedding was kept simple; quaint venue, family and very close friends comprise the guest list and the reception is done at the diner.

After Baekhyun’s talk with his sister, he has formed his plan on how to move on with his life. That is the only thing that he can do if he doesn’t want to forever wallow on something - _someone_ \- that got away.

It took them more than an hour to lay all their feelings down. Still, Baekhyun haven’t seen an escape route that is less painful. The baby will still be coming and Baekhyun refuses to let his sister sacrifice for him and for whatever it was that he and Yixing has. They are not in some kind of a TV drama and he wouldn’t want to have people on their case for surely, everyone will eventually know. He doesn’t want Baekhee and her unborn child to suffer like that.

Granted that the feelings that he has nursed for Yixing for 2 years is still there and as per the latter’s confession a few days back, that is the sacrifice that is easier to give and has less complicated implications. Baekhyun is a full-grown adult and he will fully be capable of doing things maturely and keeping his feelings in check. Probably.

To start that, he will be the one to distance himself from home. His mother took this the hardest but gave him her approval. They all knew that it was the best for all. He reassure them that he will be doing his best in teaching, earn for himself and survive on his own. He promised that will not forever leech off of his college roommate, whose boyfriend in China will live with him in the near future.

He will give it at least a year before he visits his sister so he has already apologized beforehand that he will not be able to make it to his niece’s (he’s hunch is pretty strong on this) birthday. And he is hoping by then, he can at least be civil to the father of her child and be able to treat him as a friend.

Baekhyun admits to still feeling the bitterness and loss. As much as he wanted to deny, he has invested so much trust into Yixing and seeing it crumbling even before he had grasped it fully has instilled a fear in him. A fear that has sat at the back of his mind and feeding his insecurities well. It is all in the mind, he knows, but he needs to be strong enough, mentally and emotionally, to fend it off. He will need help but he needs to help himself first.

He observes the guests from a secluded corner that he knows perfectly from all the times that he has worked in their own diner. He has been masking his presence since the wedding ceremony has started until then that the reception has started. The festive feel is absent the whole day and it hurts Baekhyun that there is nothing that he could do to make it better.

Oh, well. Mr. Zhang has the biggest smile on him that overshadows his real condition.

The bride and the groom did the customary greetings to their guests and when they have reached their parents, Mr. Zhang was very vocal for his support on the newly weds. His boisterous laughter filled the diner as he congratulated his son for having a very beautiful family. Baekhyun would do too, if it wasn’t at his happiness expense.

No one knew of his incognito visit, though Chanyeol has rolled his eyes at him when he told him that he will go out to buy some new clothes. Kyungsoo may have also caught a glimpse of him but it could also be not the reason he has reached for his boyfriend to whisper something to him. It could also be pure coincidence that Jongin looked towards his general direction with a squint.

As stealthily as he could, he slipped out of his hiding place only to bump into someone who has most probably come from the toilets. There is no way for Baekhyun to come across guests unless they did come from the bathrooms right across the kitchens where he plans to use as his escape.

Hands held him by the tops of his arms to stop him from bouncing from the collision. Baekhyun flushes and wishes that no one has seen his blunder. It will be a great giveaway for his secret attendance. Embarrassed from his clumsiness, he stepped back with a bow and apology without looking at the man (he supposes, those hands were _manly_ ) and steps aside as if nothing has happened.

“Wait.”

Baekhyun looked up instinctively, only to be met by Yixing who is wearing a casual beige cashmere sweater, skinny jeans and a smirk that showed his deep dimple on the left cheek.

Oh, he also has blonde hair as well, swept it different sides to a beautiful mess.

Struck with confusion, Baekhyun couldn’t help but stare and wonder. This is Yixing but at the same time, there are things about him that are wrong. His hair, his dimple and his clothes. They were not making sense and the chaos in Baekhyun’s head rendered him feeling dizzy.

“I know, I know. I look hella like the groom but I am not him,” Yixing… who is not Yixing spoke with a big grin. Even his smile has this mischievous undertone with it that is new to Baekhyun. He has been used to Yixing being playful but this?

“I’m Lay, by the way. Second cousin of the groom. Don’t worry, this happens but please don’t ask me why. I suck at Biology.”

“Uhm, I don’t…”

“Wait. Let me guess. You are the younger brother of the bride, aren’t you?” Lay narrowed his eyes at Baekhyun. “Why weren’t you there?” he jerked his head towards the table where Mr. Zhang is giving his son advices for his family life. It stung.

Good thing Lay didn’t wait for any reply because Baekhyun will bolt out, even if he makes a scene. “I think this is fate.”

Baekhyun’s eyes grew wide. “Wh-what?” this practically stranger’s words shouldn’t affect him as much as it did. He blames it for he and Yixing looking so much alike, it is easy to mistake the words coming from the latter. He blushes unwillingly as similar alarm bells rang inside his head. Baekhyun turned on his heels, determined to reach the kitchens the fastest possible time but Lay is quicker.

A grunt left Baekhyun’s lips when he made contact with another warm body as his wrist was tugged with a strong grip. His heart grew frantic at the new proximity with Yixing’s just-as-attractive second cousin.

“Don’t you think that this is a sign? Two people looking like the newly wedded couple meeting at said couple’s wedding? I don’t know about you, cutie but I think this is a once in a lifetime chance.”

Baekhyun thought so but will not be realizing until several months later.


End file.
